By Bob Gregory
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| English: (Photo credit: Wikipedia) |
I hear about financial ruin and failed marriages all the
time but there seems to be a trend where couples experience issues when attempting
to provide elder care for one of the spouse’s parent or parents. It generally begins with the financial burden
of attempting to provide a higher quality of retirement for a parent. It’s not uncommon for an elder parent to
reach retirement and find they just do not have the financial means to support
themselves for as long as they are capable of living. This not only affects those who fail to plan, but also those who failed to achieve their plan or their plan just wasn't comprehensive enough. More and more
elderly parents turn to their children for financial help and in today’s
economy, not all children have the ability to literally support another
family. I also see situations where the
elderly parents refuse to ask for help, but their living situation becomes so disturbing
to their children, that they feel pressured to assist.
When an elderly parent needs financial assistance, most
children immediately seek benefits to help subsidize their parent’s
retirement. This is a great plan but
most find this frustrating as it’s not easy to qualify for help if you have any
level of retirement funds at all.
Additionally, not all senior facilities accept government subsidies such
as Medicaid and require private pay. For
those that do accept Medicaid, it is important to know that Medicaid will not
pay for room and board expenses. However,
there are some states that provide a Medicaid room and board allowance that
usually ranges from $500 to $600 a month.
This amount is very low compared to the typical cost of an Assisted
Living Facility. Another potential
source of funding can come from the U.S. Department of Housing and Urban
Development (HUD). HUD provides low
income assisted living help through their Section 8 provision by providing
"vouchers" to qualified individuals.
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However, these vouchers must be used at HUD
approved housing developments. There are
some Assisted Living Facilities that operate as HUD Assisted Living Facilities
and accept the vouchers. If one or both
of your parent’s were veterans, they may qualify for Veteran Aid. Your parent
may qualify for The Aid and Attendance Benefit,
referred to as A&A. This entitles
veterans and spouses or widows to benefits for long-term care provided by an
assisted living facility. There are also
some state run Veteran’s homes that provide housing but space is very limited
and may be difficult due to low vacancies.
All of these subsidies are based on income and may be hard to qualify.
If children are successful in
finding subsidies, they have the real challenge of deciding if the facilities
that accept the subsidies meet their standards for their parents. Let’s face it, in order to provide adequate
services at the reduced amount allowed by subsidies, the glitz and glamour must
be sacrificed in most cases. Focus is on
service and not as much on the appearance.
That’s not to say they are not clean and pleasant,
they are just not as
appealing as a facility that charges over $3,000 to $4,000 a month! Also, not all of these facilities are in
convenient locations as land value is often a consideration to help keep
construction costs low. In most cases,
children of elderly parents in need of subsidies find themselves “shopping” for
facilities with their hearts and not their heads. In the end, it’s all about the care the
elderly parent receives but most children want that care to provided in the
most comfortable and appealing environment that they can afford! This is where the financial issues begin for
children who truly cannot afford to support their parents in a manner that they
feel their parent deserves.
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It’s time to go back to the
retirement plan and current household budget and see just how much you can help
your elderly parents! If you are smart—I
hope you are—you have a retirement plan to assure you don’t end up like your
parents and become a financial burden on your children. With that thought in mind, do not lower the amount you are saving
for your retirement! Instead, take a
look at your current household budget and decide if you have the means to make
up the difference between what your parents can afford and what you would like
to see for your parent to afford. Are
you willing to get a second job, cut out vacations, get student loans for your
children’s college, and downsize yourself?
These are some tough questions and they must be answered honestly by
both you and your spouse to avoid the failed marriage I mentioned above. Also, will you find yourself in a situation
where you may have to provide the same assistance for your spouse’s
parents? Can you afford to do for both
sets of parents what you are hoping to do for one set? Also, if both of you work, can you be sure
neither of you will become unemployed?
If your plan counts on both of you having income, make sure you are
comfortable that both of you can sustain employment. Finally, will the additional financial burden
cause you or your spouse to delay your own retirement? You don’t know how long your parents will
live and how long they will continue to need support.
Couples realizing they may not be
able to provide additional financial support will often come to the conclusion
to care for their parents in their home.
This is a viable option but it comes with just as many challenges and
decisions—more than I can discuss in this writing! Financial problems can create tremendous
stress on a marriage, especially if the financial problems could have been
avoided. Experts in marriage and divorce
say lack of communication is the leading cause for divorce in our modern society. Therefore, be honest and open with your
spouse regarding funding your parents (or your spouse’s parents)
retirement. Honesty is a cornerstone to
a healthy relationship and committing to support your parents financially
requires both of you to be in complete agreement and understand the potential
problems that may be ahead. You should
also be honest with your parents about how much you can or cannot help them
with their retirement. I’ll try to
address that conversation in future writings!
If would like a list Independent Living Facilities, Assisted
Living Facilities, Nursing Homes or any other type of Senior Facility, I hope
you will consider www.seniorfacilityfinder.com.
If you would like to contribute your thoughts and ideas,
please leave them in our comment section. We want to hear them. Helping people
care for themselves or their loved ones is what we care about.
We look forward to reading yours.
Bob Gregory is an advocate
for Seniors and is one of the founders of www.seniorfacilityfinder.com. At SeniorFacilityFinder.com, we are dedicated
to helping families get the Elder Care help they need without having to provide
their personal information! If find you need an assisted living facility or
other type of senior facility, please consider www.seniorfacilityfinder.com
When possible, I would suggest finding a service provider like Home Instead Senior Care who allows senior to remain at their primary residence for daily home care. As a caregiver for them, I provide assisted living services in Raymond, New Hampshire, and our team always travels directly to our customers to ensure they are safe, happy, and in a place that is comfortable to them. What better place to be than home!
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