By Bob Gregory
Sounds a little bit like the title of a novel but these are
all components of the life of an elderly parent who can no longer care for
their own finances. I really prefer to
write about positive, joyous moments of elders and life in Senior Facilities,
but we all know that life and people have a dark side. Not everyone plans ahead so their children
have little to do except visit and be respectful. In fact, many elders find themselves in need
of financial support from their children or the Government. For all those who have planned well, have
long term care insurance, a solid estate plan and a generous retirement fund, I
applaud you! Chances are you are not
reading this blog and your children are not suspicious of one another. For everyone else, this is a tough time
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| Money (Photo credit: Pikaluk) |
to
find Mom or Dad can’t handle their own finances, or worse, need the financial
support of the children.
We all worry about money no matter what the age unless you
happen to be in that covenanted 1% who is truly wealthy. For everyone else, having the money to pay
bills, maintain a home and enjoy life (just a little) is always at the
forefront of our thoughts. There is
nothing tougher than having to sit with an elderly parent and explain that they
do not have the financial resources to support themselves. To explain that the hard work, life time of
savings and sacrifice just wasn’t enough to carry them through life is a
difficult and heart wrenching task. If
you and your siblings are smart, you will do some research and find out just
what benefits your parent or parents qualify.
There are a number of programs including Veterans benefits, Social
Security, Medicare, Medicaid and others that may help with the burden. Then there’s always you and your siblings to
pick up the balance. Here’s where the
lies start.
If you are fortunate enough to have siblings, then you have
someone to share the burden. This should
be a simple task, just take the balance of what your parent(s) can’t afford and
split it among the siblings. This is
usually where it gets very interesting and regardless of your political slant,
you will certainly find that the sibling who can afford the most should pay the
most! You will also hear plenty of
excuses, many of which may be valid, as why one or more cannot contribute to
support Mom or Dad. There may also be a
cry for a plan to hide whatever assets your parent(s) may have in order to
qualify for the Federal or State government to pick up the tab. I find that
most children of an elderly parent(s) want what is best for them; however,
funding that “happily ever after” may be a different story. You have to be very careful in deciding who
managers the funds as there can be three outcomes. First, all children work together and support
their
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| Money Hand Holding Bankroll Girls February 08, 20117 (Photo credit: stevendepolo) |
parent(s) and do what is right. I
hope this is true in most cases. Second,
the child who has the greatest amount of resources takes over the finances and
soon finds they are paying most of the shortfall as their siblings dole out
more excuses than money. Finally, the
sibling under the most financial strain takes control of the finances and helps
their own financial situation at the cost of their siblings who believe they
are supporting their parent(s). Beware of the sibling who offers to move
Mom/Dad into their own home and provide care in exchange for the retirement
payments! It’s rare that someone can
care for an elder parent who truly belongs in a Nursing Home or Skilled Nursing
Facility.
Now that I told you what can happen, what do you do? First, plan ahead. If you know your parent is going to need a
Senior Facility, then begin creating the financial plan to see to it the bills
are paid and your parent is in good care.
There are legal ways to transfer assets in advance so that your parent
can receive Federal and State benefits so be sure to consult an attorney. There is usually a “look back” period for
transfers and asset disposals so you will have to plan well in advance. Help your parent budget their money before
the need for a Senior Facility so they will need less support. This can be difficult, but most elders are
very concerned
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| Calculating Savings (Photo credit: 401(K) 2013) |
about running short on retirement funds and will generally
follow sound advice. If you are beyond
the planning stage, it’s time to sit down with your siblings and have a very
candid discussion on supporting your parent.
Do not over commit and do not allow a sibling to over commit. If you are honest with one another, you will
find less strife between siblings and no one gets disappointed. You may need to shop around for a facility
that meets your financial requirement so as to minimize the amount of support
you and your siblings will need to contribute.
This is a very delicate situation and make sure all siblings agree as
you may find yourself sacrificing care for affordability! If you can afford more than your siblings,
then step up and opt for better care. I
would suggest a monthly deposit into your parent’s account and be sure and
share the bank statements and how the money is spent. It will make everyone fill more
comfortable. Be very careful about
paying for items out of your own pocket and then reimbursing yourself. It may be more convenient sometimes, but it
can create mistrust no matter how justified the expenditures. Also, offer to take turns managing the money
at designated times (six months or a year).
This will also keep everyone honest and share the strain of “balancing
the budget”. There are professionals who
will manage the finances for you but they charge a fee. Finally, be mindful of the spouses. It’s your parent, not theirs, so be sure they
are included in the plan so it doesn’t create trouble at home.
If would like a list Independent Living Facilities, Assisted
Living Facilities, Nursing Homes or any other type of Senior Facility, I hope
you will consider www.seniorfacilityfinder.com.
If you would like to contribute your thoughts and ideas,
please leave them in our comment section. We want to hear them. Helping people
care for themselves or their loved ones is what we care about.
We look forward to reading yours.
Bob Gregory is an advocate
for Seniors and is one of the founders of www.seniorfacilityfinder.com. At SeniorFacilityFinder.com, we are dedicated
to helping families get the Elder Care help they need without having to provide
their personal information! If find you need an assisted living facility or
other type of senior facility, please consider www.seniorfacilityfinder.com
