What gifts for the Holiday are appropriate for my parent is in a Senior Facility?

Holiday shopping can be such a joy!  Choosing just the right present and anticipating the happiness and excitement it will bring the person receiving the gift makes shopping fun.  But it can be a challenge when you are shopping for a loved one who is in a Senior Facility such as an Assisted Living Facility or a Nursing Home.  Your choice of gifts can sometimes be limited due to the living environment and the physical ability of your parent.  To help you choose a gift, I have put together a list of gifts that are appropriate for people living in a Senior Facility—hopefully these will spark other ideas!

Gifts to consider for loved ones in a Senior Facility:

1. The most valued and appreciated gift is the gift of your time
• Visit often
• Bring Family members
• Bring old friends
• Bring church members

2. Personal items they may like but are not necessarily a necessity
• Hand Lotions

  

  Pile of gorgeous gifts (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

• Lip Baum
• Powders
• Special Shaving Lotions
• Grooming Products
• Perfume/After Shave

3. Items for warmth
• Robes
• Slippers
• Blankets
• Shawls
• Sweaters
• Warm-up Suits

4. Decorative items for their room—keep space in mind!
• Flowers—fresh or silk
• Picture frames with family photos
• Wall hangings
• Decorative baskets for personal items



Presents (Photo credit: alliecreative)

• Decorative clocks

5. Entertainment Gifts—make sure they are not too technical
• CD player
• CDs of favorite music (you can create yourself)
• DVDs of favorite movies or shows (make sure they have appropriate player)
• Photo albums—book version or electronic—load them with special photos!
• Board Games, Video Games (if appropriate), Card Games
• Books with large print, magazines or newspaper subscriptions
• An Ipad, or Tablet if they are tech-savvy

6. Clothing for the Holiday
• Holiday sweaters, socks or ties
• Festive outfit for parties at the Senior Facility or outside the facility if they are able to attend
• Hats or bonnets

7. Holiday Foods—make sure they fit any special diet
• Seasonal Candies
• Seasonal Cookies or Cakes



Goody Bags (Photo credit: The Life of Bryan)

• Special drinks—check with medical staff before providing anything alcoholic!

8. Holiday outings are special gifts if your parent is able to attend
• Choir concerts
• Plays
• Special Dinners
• Parties
• Church services

Hopefully these will spark other ideas or at least give you a direction for shopping for your parent in a Senior Facility.  Keep in mind that most facilities have their own parties and sometimes gifts are exchanged.  Make sure you have some small wrapped gifts your parent can exchange with friends and please do not overlook the caregivers who take great care of your parent!  Lots of small gifts for your parent extend the fun and excitement so wrap as many as you can separately.

Finally, if your parent is Spiritual, help them keep their spirituality during the Holidays.  Most facilities have services but take your parent to their place of worship it they are capable of traveling, it will mean a lot during the Holidays!

I hope some of these gift ideas and tips will make this Holiday Season more enjoyable for your parent or loved one that resides in a Senior Facility.  If you find you need an Assisted Living Facility, Nursing Home or any other type of Senior Facility, I hope you will consider www.seniorfacilityfinder.com.

If you would like to contribute your thoughts and ideas, please leave them in our comment section. We want to hear them. Helping people care for themselves or their loved ones is what we care about. 

We look forward to reading yours.

Bob Gregory is an advocate for Seniors and is one of the founders of  www.seniorfacilityfinder.com. At SeniorFacilityFinder.com, we are dedicated to helping families get the Elder Care help they need without having to provide their personal information! If you find you need an Assisted Living Facility or other type of senior facility, please consider www.seniorfacilityfinder.com.

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Need guidance for visiting your elderly parent in a Senior Facility?

By Bob Gregory

If your parent is in a Senior Facility such as an Assisted Living Facility or a Nursing Home, one of the most important things you can do for them is to visit!  Many people find visiting a Senior Facility intimidating because they are not sure what to do or how to act during their visit.  It is different than visiting your parent at their own home but the time you spend together should be just as enjoyable.  While there are differences between an Assisted Living Facility and a Nursing Home, I will keep these tips focused on the similarities.

Here are some suggestions to help make your visit more enjoyable.

1. Plan your visit in advance so your parent will be prepared.  Depending on your parent’s health and need for assistance in personal care, they may wish to have someone help them bathe and dress before your arrival.  This will make your parent feel better about themselves and more prepared for visitors. Show respect by asking permission to visit and coordinate the time of the visit so as not to interfere with meals or favorite activities.

Grandma & I (Photo credit: Travis Jon Allison)

2. Stop by the Nurses station prior to going to your parent’s room and inquire about their health and any issues they may be having.  You should also ask if there is anything the staff would like you to discuss with your parent to help them perform their job easier.  Be sure and thank them for the care and support they give your parent—this will mean a lot to them as they rarely get praise for all their service.

3. Remember to respect your parent’s living quarters the same way you did when they were in their own home.  Knock before entering the room and bring a small gift like fresh flowers.  Observe the condition of the room, whether your parent or the facility is responsible for keeping it clean.  Enquire as to why the room may not be kept clean but do not be critical and don’t immediately start cleaning—you are there for a visit!

4. Come prepared with stories, pictures and videos you can share and have a few photos you can leave behind.  Be sure to be attentive to the stories your parent wants to tell you and be prepared to listen to all the “gossip” from around the facility.  Be a good listener and avoid dominating the conversation. Avoid making the visit an inquisition regarding your parent’s health and the care they receive.  It is important to ask but don’t dwell as this is supposed to be an enjoyable visit.  You can cover your parent’s health and care in a scheduled meeting with the caregivers.

visit to grandma jean IMG_7073 (Photo credit: tlr3automaton)

5. Be endearing and affectionate with your parent.  Human touch is very important for all, especially for the elderly.  Make sure you hug, kiss or hold the hand of your parent; it will mean more than you can imagine.  Share stories of “the good ole days” and if possible, do activities you used to enjoy together such as playing cards, board games, making music or singing.  Include any of your parent’s friends they may like to participate but don’t be surprised if they want you all to themselves.

6. Bring other family members with you.  Don’t overwhelm your parent with too many guests but bring along your spouse or children if possible. If you are bringing young children or teens, prepare them for what they will see and make sure they avoid making “faces” or unpleasant comments.  Help your family members focus on the reason for the trip and lead by example!

7. Speak to other residents and ask them if they know your parent; you may find out some very interesting facts you didn’t know about your parent’s behavior!  It’s also nice to share the joy as not everyone has family that visits.  Kindness is infectious so spread as much as you can during your visit.

If you keep the above suggestions in mind, your visit with your elderly parent in their Senior Facility will be more enjoyable.  Remember you are visiting a loved one so be yourself and enjoy your parent.  These suggestions are meant for a scheduled social visit with your parent but there are other tips you need to know about surprise visits to make sure your parent is receiving proper care—we’ll discuss those in another entry!  If you would like to obtain a list of Assisted Living Facilities or Nursing Homes in your area that meet your needs, please consider www.seniorfacilityfinder.com .

If you would like to contribute your thoughts and ideas, please leave them in our comment section. We want to hear them. Helping people care for themselves or their loved ones is what we care about. 

We look forward to reading yours.

Bob Gregory is an advocate for Seniors and is one of the founders of  www.seniorfacilityfinder.com. At SeniorFacilityFinder.com, we are dedicated to helping families get the Elder Care help they need without having to provide their personal information! If you find you need Assisted Living Facility, Nursing Home or other type of senior facility, please consider www.seniorfacilityfinder.com.

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Traveling with an elderly parent—tips and ideas to make it safe and enjoyable.

By Bob Gregory

The Holidays are upon us and it’s time to make those travel arrangements!  It is always exciting to visit friends and family during the Holidays or to simply take a vacation, but traveling with an elderly parent can present its challenges.  If it’s your first time traveling with an elderly parent, then there are a few things you should know that will help make your trip safe and enjoyable for all.

Here are some tips and ideas for your consideration:

Family convergence (Photo credit: Sarah Ross photography)

1. Make sure your parent(s) are up to the trip both physically and mentally.  Elderly parents will often over extend themselves to accommodate the family so as not to be a burden.  Be sure to have an honest discussion with your parent about the trip and make sure they truly want to go.  Discuss options with your parent if they choose not to go and make sure the alternatives do not come off as a punishment for not making the trip.  If they are on board, then get a check up with their physician to be sure there are no health issues that would prevent them from making the trip and to allow you to address any medical needs while on the trip. 

2. Give your parent(s) plenty of time to make the decision whether or not to take the trip.  For many elders, traveling is a bit scary and they need time to get comfortable with the decision to travel or the decision to pass.  Make sure you give them the itinerary so they know what the trip will entail.  Be sure and have frequent discussions but do not pressure them for a decision.  Let them know the deadline for their answer and give them gentle reminders as the deadline to decide approaches.

3. Plan your trip and have a set itinerary so you and your elderly parent(s) know exactly what you will be doing.  If you are considerate, you will make sure the trip is not too fast paced or rigorous so that your parent will be able to keep up and enjoy the trip.  If your parent has issues walking for long periods at a time, you may want to consider having a wheelchair available and discuss this with them in advance so it is not a surprise.  If the trip is an extended trip of a week or more, plan a day or two of rest.

Grandma & Jennifer in Rental Boat (Photo credit: rickpilot_2000)

4. Accommodations are often a big issue and can cause trepidation if your parent is not capable of staying alone in a separate room.  Consider a suite with two rooms so each of you can have your privacy but you can be available to assist your parent when needed.  Keep in mind that even though a room is equipped to handle handicapped guests, not all accommodations are the same and you should consult the hotel directly regarding the type of accommodations your parent will need.  You may also want to check trip advisor sites as well for recommendations of elder-friendly hotels.  Request special services in advance so there are no surprises when you arrive.  Be sure you have access to foods your parent may need if they are on a special diet.  If the hotel cannot handle special diet needs, pack what you need and be sure the hotel room has a refrigerator to store the food and a kitchenette so you can prepare the meals. 

5. Prescriptions should be filled and carefully packed so you can easily access them.  Be sure you have consulted the physician and you know how and when to administer the medication.  Don’t rely on your parent to remember what to take and when to take it as travel can cause exhaustion which can easily lead to confusion.  It is always advisable to travel with the prescription bottles so you do not have issues at security check points and you can assure you will have an ample supply in case your trip gets extended.

6. Pack carefully as you need to expect the unexpected!  Check the weather forecast for the area you are visiting but be prepared for inclement weather.  Try not to over pack as you may find yourself juggling heavy bags and your parent at the same time.  Help your parent unpack when you arrive and do not attempt to let them “live” out of a suit case.  It is advisable to make a schedule of outfits your parent will wear on each day so they feel confident they have proper and adequate clothing without over packing.

Florida Vacation #07 (Photo credit: Lynda Giddens)

7. Transportation to your destination needs special consideration.  If you are traveling by car, plan plenty of rest stops for stretching the legs and bathroom breaks.  Give yourself plenty of travel time so you do not feel pressure to drive long periods of time without a break.  If you are traveling by air, then remember all the security requirements that may be a challenge such as removing all jackets or sweaters, removing shoes, examination of carry-on bags, physical screenings and proper identification.  Discuss these carefully with your parent and make sure they are up to challenge!

8. Security is a concern for all but especially when traveling with an elderly parent.  The elderly seem to be a popular target for pick pockets and robbers so you need to watch your parent carefully.  Make sure they do not carry lots of cash, credit cards or jewelry while out sightseeing.  Offer to carry their wallet or cash on your person so they do not have the risk of pick pockets or purse snatchers.  Also, don’t overlook the possibility of your parent getting separated and lost.  If they do not have a cell phone, you may want to get one for them even if it is a disposable prepaid phone and show them how to use it.  Discuss with your parent what to do in the event they become separated so that you can easily recover them.

Traveling with an elderly parent can be challenging but it can also be very rewarding and enjoyable if you plan carefully.  I hope some of these tips and ideas help make your Holiday trip a little less stressful and a whole lot more enjoyable!  In the event your parent is not up to travel, there are options for them to stay behind without being alone such as using Adult Day Care centers or reserving a short-term room at an Assisted Living Facility. If you would like to obtain a list of Adult Day Care centers or Assisted Living Facilities in your area that meet your needs, please consider www.seniorfacilityfinder.com .

If you would like to contribute your thoughts and ideas, please leave them in our comment section. We want to hear them. Helping people care for themselves or their loved ones is what we care about. 

We look forward to reading yours.

Bob Gregory is an advocate for Seniors and is one of the founders of  www.seniorfacilityfinder.com. At SeniorFacilityFinder.com, we are dedicated to helping families get the Elder Care help they need without having to provide their personal information! If you find you need Adult Day Care, Assisted Living Facility or other type of senior facility, please consider www.seniorfacilityfinder.com.

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Do Independent Living communities and 55+ communities cater to the same group of seniors?

By Bob Gregory

Seniors trying to choose the right community for their retirement are often confused by the many choices that are now available.  Both Independent Living communities and 55+ communities may share common groups of seniors but there are some differences that you should consider.

guzman23foundation serves seniors at retirement home (Photo credit: Ralph Zuranski)

Independent Living communities have been around for a long time and are also referred to as a Congregate Housing or Senior Retirement Home.  These communities usually provide fully functional apartments for seniors who are capable of maintaining a home, living on their own and have their own transportation for shopping, medical appointments and general errands.   They may or may not have common meals and do provide limited social activities.  These communities are meant for seniors in their retirement years to live among other seniors with common lifestyles.  Some Independent Living communities are for low income seniors and even qualify for rent subsidies from HUD, US Department of Housing and Urban Development.  Others are supported by religious charities or other community charities to help with rent.  The living facilities range from high-rise condos to cluster homes.  Independent Living facilities will usually attract a slightly older senior as they typically offer fewer amenities.  They are for adults over 55 years old and generally will not allow family members to live in the community if they are under 55.

Senior couple signing financial contract (Photo credit: s_falkow)

55+ Communities are a new concept that recognize that younger seniors are looking for a county club type setting in which to retire with others in their age group.  Similar to Independent Living facilities, the 55+ communities cater to seniors who are capable of maintaining their own home, do not require on-site medical care and have their own transportation.  There is a wide diversity of building styles and some communities offer units for sale as well as for rent.  These communities offer numerous activities and most have clubhouses, tennis courts, pools and even golf courses. They also have a very active social director to keep the “party” going!  The 55+ communities rarely qualify for any rent subsidies and seek seniors who can afford a “country club” type community.  The typical residents will be in good health and are generally seeking to continue a very active life style with other “young” active seniors.  Like Independent Living communities, the 55+ community is age restrictive and does not allow persons under the age of 55 years old to live in the community.  These communities are sometimes less strict about allowing a teenage child to reside in the home of a qualifying resident but most do not allow anyone under the age of 55 to live in the community.

While there are some distinct differences between an Independent Living community and a 55+ community, both will generally accept any senior who qualifies financially, health wise and  in age.   Be sure and visit the communities to make sure they cater to your lifestyle and that they offer the amenities you seek.  If you are a younger senior and are very active, you should certainly consider the 55+ communities.  If you are older and seek a more serene atmosphere or need some financial assistance with rent, then you may want to investigate the Independent Living facilities. If you would like to obtain a list of Independent Living or 55+ communities in your area that meet your needs, please consider www.seniorfacilityfinder.com .

If you would like to contribute your thoughts and ideas, please leave them in our comment section. We want to hear them. Helping people care for themselves or their loved ones is what we care about. 

We look forward to reading yours.

Bob Gregory is an advocate for Seniors and is one of the founders of  www.seniorfacilityfinder.com. At SeniorFacilityFinder.com, we are dedicated to helping families get the Elder Care help they need without having to provide their personal information! If you find you need a Independent Living or 55+ community or other type of senior facility, please consider www.seniorfacilityfinder.com.

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Should I bring my parent home from the Senior Facility for the Holidays?

By Bob Gregory

The Holidays are supposed to be a joyous and happy time of the year for all, but for many they are the most stressful days of the year!  Holidays are a time when friends and family come together to celebrate.  We have parties, dinners, social events and gatherings that keep us busy from November through the first of the New Year.   There is little time for relaxing with so much planning, preparation and entertaining, so how do you deal with a parent in a Senior Facility?  The decision whether or not to bring your parent to your home for the Holidays will add a little stress with a touch of guilt and how you handle that decision will determine how high the stress and how great the guilt!

I have not found a set of hard fast rules to follow regarding bring a parent home for the Holidays, but I have encountered quite a bit of advice and several tips that you should consider:

1. Is your parent healthy enough to come to your home for the Holidays?  If your parent is in an Assisted Living Facility because they need some assistance with daily activities, then they may be up to a few days away and you may be able to provide the assistance they need during their stay at your home.  However, if they are in a Nursing Home due to poor health, the stress of moving them for a few days may be too much for them and you may not be prepared to give them the care they need.  Be sure and consult the healthcare professionals at the facility before making any decision.

English: Christmas Day in a nursing home Noon on Christmas Day and the residents of Gallions View 369824 are waiting for their Christmas lunch. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

2. Does your parent wish to leave the facility for the Holidays?  We all want to be home for the Holidays but don’t forget that your parent is at home in the facility!  Most facilities have quite a few functions and activities to celebrate the Holidays and your attendance at some of these may be all your parent wishes.  Be sure and ask your parent if they would like to come home with you but understand they may not.  Before you discuss coming to stay at your home with your parent, consult the healthcare professionals first.  This may save big disappointment if they are not well enough to leave or it is ill advised to move them.

3. Will your parent get ignored at your home?  If you have a very active Holiday schedule, your parent may feel they are being ignored and may be lonely.  Keep in mind that it can be very depressing to sit on the sidelines and watch while everyone else is busy with preparations of meals, parties and shopping that your parent may not be physically able to participate.  Also, your bedtime schedule is probably a lot different than your parent’s and that may limit their participation in the festivities.  Take the time to evaluate how much time you can spend with your parent if they are at your home—it may be less than you think!

4. Are you prepared to stop your celebrating to return your parent to the Senior Facility?  The thought of coming to your home for the Holidays may be very exciting and it may be something your parent wishes to do.  However, don’t be surprised if they decide they want to go back to their ”home” shortly after arriving at yours!  Even though you are family and you are prepared to give the best care, it is still a big change from their normal routine and it can be quite upsetting.  Most facilities keep very tight schedules and we all know schedules go out the door during Holidays.  The new environment may be too much and you need to be prepared to take your parent back to the facility if they wish to leave.  If you’ve traveled a long distance to get your parent, this can be a challenge and you can bet they will want to leave at the most inopportune time—be patient!

If you have given careful thought to the above considerations as well as many others you may think of yourself, you may be ready to have your parent home for the Holidays! 

If you decide it’s best for your parent to remain in their senior facility, here are a couple of tips to make the Holidays more joyous for both of you.

1. Visit, visit, visit!  If you live close to your parent, then schedule as many visits as possible during the Holidays.  Be sure and get a copy of the activities calendar for the facility and schedule to attend as many Holiday events as possible.  .  Be sure and share your Holiday schedule with your parent so they will know when to expect you.  If you live far away, then make an effort to call more often.

2. Share stories and pictures of the celebrations you are attending or are hosting.  Don’t make the mistake of thinking your parent will feel depressed to hear about the good time you are having during the Holidays.  You will find that your parent will be very excited to see pictures and hear stories about your parties and celebrations.  Encourage them to tell you stories of the parties and events they have attended at the facility and be sure and spend some time reminiscing about the Holidays when everyone was together.

3. Gifts, goodies and cards.  Holidays are definitely a time for sharing so drop off gifts, goodies and Holiday cards as often as possible or send small packages as often as possible if you don’t live close by.  Being remembered by a loved one brings warmth and feelings of love.  It also gives your parent a reason to socialize with other residents to share goodies and show cards and gifts.  You don’t have to spend a lot of money because small packages bring great joy!  Make sure your parent can enjoy the goodies you send and be sure to send enough to share.  If you enjoy cooking, send homemade goodies and include a short note about why that goody is special—old family recipe, big hit at your Holiday party or just wanted to try something new.

4. Friends and family.  You probably have other family members who can participate in all of the above and you should encourage them to do so!  Request family members to accompany you on visits and bring as many different members at different times as you possibly can.  Offer to take friends of your parent by for a quick visit if they are able to attend such an outing.  It will be beneficial to both the friend and your parent.

5. Be happy and joyous!  Be sure and set the tone for your visits and communications with your parent by being happy and joyous—it’s contagious.  Pass on good news and avoid complaining.

I hope some these ideas and tips will make this Holiday season a little less stressful and much more enjoyable with your parent or loved one that resides in a Senior Facility.  Stay positive and don’t set expectations that you can’t possibly achieve! 

If you would like to contribute your thoughts and ideas, please leave them in our comment section. We want to hear them. Helping people care for themselves or their loved ones is what we care about. 

We look forward to reading yours.

Bob Gregory is an advocate for Seniors and is one of the founders of  www.seniorfacilityfinder.com. At SeniorFacilityFinder.com, we are dedicated to helping families get the Elder Care help they need without having to provide their personal information! If you find you need an Assisted Living Facility or other type of senior facility, please consider www.seniorfacilityfinder.com.

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How do I know which Assisted Living Facility is right for me?

Making the decision to move to an Assisted Living Facility, often referred to as ALF, is a big step but it is only one step of a long journey!  Now you have to determine which facility is best for you and suits your needs.  Chances are you have consulted with your family and physician in arriving at the decision to move to an ALF so be sure to seek their help in finding the right facility. If you have friends or family that have moved to an ALF, be sure and ask for a recommendation and how they decided on the facility they chose.

Here are some considerations in choosing an Assisted Living Facility:

1. Does the facility provide the type of health care assistance you will require?  Not all ALFs offer the same medical assistance so be sure and inquire about your specific needs.
2. Is the facility located in an area you want to live?  You are choosing a place to live so location is 

   

   Renaissance Care Center Living Room (Photo credit: cantexsc)

   important!  You want to be near family, friends, doctors, churches and shopping.
3. Can you afford the facility?  Assisted Living Facilities can be expensive and they do not all charge the same rates.  Be sure and they accept Medicaid or have payment options.  Also, there may be additional fees for services so inquire what the monthly fee covers and what is extra.
4. What type of community services and amenities are included?  If you have trouble driving, make sure the ALF provides transportation and ask if it is an additional charge.  Also inquire if there is a beautician/barber on site.
5. Inquire into social and recreational activities provided by the facility.  Ask to speak with the social director and get a calendar of events.  Be sure to inquire as to how many residents participate.  You should also ask if there are community volunteers that visit regularly—many community volunteer programs visit Assisted Living Facilities and Nursing Homes as part of their mission.
6. You also need to know the limits of care the facility can provide you and the type of behavior they will permit.  This is important as you may be asked to leave if you require more care than a facility can provide or if your behavior is not in line with the facilities tolerance level.  You should inquire if anyone has been “evicted” and what the circumstances were—it is at Managements’ dis

   

   Crestview Court Therapy Room (Photo credit: cantexsc)

   cretion!
7. Does the facility provide different types of accommodations?  Some ALFs have apartment type suites, one and two room suites and some have limited cooking in your room.  Make sure the building itself is easy to navigate and the overall floor plan of the facility is not confusing!
8. Take note of the state of repair of the facility.  Is it clean, neat and well kept?  Have there been recent updates to the facility?
9. Does the facility offer advanced care in another section of the facility that you may need one day?  Today, there are many multi-function facilities which include Dementia care, Alzheimer’s Units and Skilled Nursing Units (Nursing Home).

You need to keep in mind that Assisted Living is usually a short-term solution for many people who do not yet need the services of a Nursing Home.  It is often a very affordable alternative to in-home care and can provide a social environment that most seniors need to maintain a healthy and active life.  Be sure and visit several facilities so you can compare.  Create a check list out of the considerations listed above so you can keep score as you visit the different facilities.  As you visit, try to do so during the week before or after the noon meal so you can judge the “normal” level of activity of the residents—weekends are usually busier as families tend to visit more on weekends.  During your visit, try and speak to as many staff and residents as possible.  Ask questions that concern you as both staff and residents will be very open.  Finally, make sure you have someone read the contract for you—if you make the wrong decision you want to be able to move. If you would like to obtain a list of assisted living facilities in your area that meet your needs, please consider www.seniorfacilityfinder.com .

If you would like to contribute your thoughts and ideas, please leave them in our comment section. We want to hear them. Helping people care for themselves or their loved ones is what we care about. 

We look forward to reading yours.

Bob Gregory is an advocate for Seniors and is one of the founders of  www.seniorfacilityfinder.com. At SeniorFacilityFinder.com, we are dedicated to helping families get the Elder Care help they need without having to provide their personal information! If you find you need a Assisted Living Facility or other type of senior facility, please consider www.seniorfacilityfinder.com.

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I know a nursing home is the best move for my elderly parent, so why do I feel so guilty?

Nursing Home (Photo credit: LOLren)

For most people faced with placing a parent in a nursing home, the guilt does not originate from the decision; instead, it is over the inability to personally care for the parent in their own home.  There are many excellent reasons to choose a nursing home over trying to provide in-home care, but they never seem to negate the guilt!  As children, we depended on our parents to provide care, nurturing and support until we were able t

o make it on our own so naturally we expect to return the favor when our parents need us to provide care, nurturing and support.  Do not let yourself be trapped into drawing a parallel between caring for an infant and caring for an elderly parent—they are not the same and the skills needed are usually night and day!

There are a few things you should definitely do before your parent reaches the stage of life where they may need a nursing home facility:

v  Never promise your parent(s) that you will NEVER place them in a nursing home!  At some point you will be asked by your parent(s) to make that promise!  It is a fear we all have of being placed in a nursing home away from family.

v  Have open and honest discussions with your parent(s) about the prospect of one day having to make the decision to choose a nursing home as their best care alternative.  It will not be easy, but there are some very good reasons why you should choose a nursing home and why it is the best choice for them.

v  Help your parent(s) prepare in advance for the potential of needing a nursing home.  Seek financial advice from a financial practitioner skilled in these matters, consider long-term care insurance, have your parent see their doctor for regular checkups and involve appropriate medical advisors.

v  Do your research on alternatives that may delay the move to a nursing home such as in-home care, adult day care or assisted living facilities as transitional moves.

These will help but they are not going to stop feelings of guilt!  If your parent needs a nursing home, then make the right choice, but know it will not be easy.  Your parent will most likely ask to stay with you or a sibling and the request may quickly turn to begging.  At this point, reasoning with your parent will be difficult and will produce very little progress in helping with the decision.

Here are some common considerations that may help with the guilt:

v  Choose a quality nursing home facility with excellent health care.

Crestview Court Nurse Station (Photo credit: cantexsc)

v  Find a facility that is near family so visitations can be frequent.

v  Involve other members of the family as a support group and schedule visits

v  Create “Plan B”.  We hope we make the right decision but be prepared to move if necessary

v  Get to know the staff at the facility and participate in events as often as possible

v  Get involved with a support group that can help you cope and give advice

v  Make sure your parent has the opportunity to get closure on their former life by being involved in the decisions regarding disposition of possessions

Guilt is usually caused by doing something we believe is wrong or failing to do something we believe is right.  Be sure to involve healthcare professionals to help assure you are making the right decision and be confident in your decisions and choices.  If you have family, then do not go it alone—involve others in your decisions.  Sometimes people less emotionally attached can provide unbiased advice so don’t overlook the input of friends.  If you prepare properly you will minimize the guilty feelings and quickly overcome them!  If you would like to obtain a list of nursing homes in your area that meet your needs, please consider www.seniorfacilityfinder.com .

If you would like to contribute your thoughts and ideas, please leave them in our comment section. We want to hear them. Helping people care for themselves or their loved ones is what we care about. 

We look forward to reading yours.

Bob Gregory is an advocate for Seniors and is one of the founders of  www.seniorfacilityfinder.com. At SeniorFacilityFinder.com, we are dedicated to helping families get the Elder Care help they need without having to provide their personal information! If you find you need a Nursing Home or other type of senior facility, please consider www.seniorfacilityfinder.com.

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Do you get to choose the Hospital when you have to be admitted?

By Bob Gregory

The thought of going to the hospital to have a procedure performed is very stressful and confusing.  Most people do not realize they have a choice in the hospital they use for non-emergency procedures.  For seniors, they feel their options are even more limited, especially when they do not fully understand the benefits provided by their primary insurance program. The majority of the population does not realize that hospitals, like doctors, have specialties.  Understanding that hospitals have specialties can be particularly important to seniors as there are hospitals that specialize in geriatric care. 

There are two major considerations that must be kept in mind when choosing a hospital.

ARB at Shands at the University of Florida (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

• First consideration: does your doctor have hospital privileges in the hospital you choose?  This is where the confusion and stress escalates! The most common choice in which hospital to use is the one in which your physician has hospital privileges.  Most doctors have hospital privileges in only one or two hospitals.  Doctors must apply and be approved to have the “privilege” to practice in a hospital and this is not a quick or easy process.  This can cause conflicts as you choose hospitals that best fit your needs as your doctor may not have hospital privileges.  If this occurs you will be stuck with choosing between your doctor and the hospital!

English: Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services - Medicare & You 2010, official government handbook. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

• Second consideration: does your insurance program provide full, limited or no coverage for the hospital you choose.  It is sad but true; we often have to allow cost to dictate the type and quality medical treatment we receive.  This is especially true when faced with hospital care as it can cost tens of thousands of dollars for simple procedures and can easily run into the hundreds of thousands of dollars for complicated procedures.  Understanding the benefits provided under your health insurance policy can ease some of the stress and allow you to make a more informed decision based on benefits you can expect to receive.  Many insurance policies require pre-approval for hospital  procedures/stays and while this seems intrusive, it can help you be assured you will receive the maximum benefit under your policy.  If pre-approval is not required, be sure to contact your insurance company for an explanation of benefits for the hospital(s) you have on your short list.

There are many other very important considerations when choosing a hospital and we will explore those in a future writing.  You should have a very honest and open discussion with your doctor regarding the hospital best suited for your procedure.  Be sure and ask your doctor if the hospital he/she recommends is the best for your procedure or just happens to be a hospital where they have privileges—it’s a fair questions so do not be afraid to ask!  If you take the time to have a discussion with your doctor, do not be surprised if they recommend another doctor that has privileges at a different hospital—the majority of doctors truly want what is best for their patient!  If you would like to obtain a list of hospitals in your area that meet your needs, please consider www.seniorfacilityfinder.com .

If you would like to contribute your thoughts and ideas, please leave them in our comment section. We want to hear them. Helping people care for themselves or their loved ones is what we care about. 

We look forward to reading yours.

Bob Gregory is an advocate for Seniors and is one of the founders of  www.seniorfacilityfinder.com. At SeniorFacilityFinder.com, we are dedicated to helping families get the Elder Care help they need without having to provide their personal information! If you find you need a Hospital or other type of senior facility, please consider www.seniorfacilityfinder.com.

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