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| Nursing Home (Photo credit: LOLren) |
For most people faced with placing a parent in a nursing
home, the guilt does not originate from the decision; instead, it is over the
inability to personally care for the parent in their own home. There are many excellent reasons to choose a
nursing home over trying to provide in-home care, but they never seem to negate
the guilt! As children, we depended on
our parents to provide care, nurturing and support until we were able t
o make
it on our own so naturally we expect to return the favor when our parents need
us to provide care, nurturing and support.
Do not let yourself be trapped into drawing a parallel between caring
for an infant and caring for an elderly parent—they are not the same and the
skills needed are usually night and day!
There are a few
things you should definitely do before your parent reaches the stage of life
where they may need a nursing home facility:
v
Never promise your parent(s) that you will NEVER
place them in a nursing home! At some
point you will be asked by your parent(s) to make that promise! It is a fear we all have of being placed in a
nursing home away from family.
v
Have open and honest discussions with your
parent(s) about the prospect of one day having to make the decision to choose a
nursing home as their best care alternative.
It will not be easy, but there are some very good reasons why you should
choose a nursing home and why it is the best choice for them.
v
Help your parent(s) prepare in advance for the
potential of needing a nursing home. Seek
financial advice from a financial practitioner skilled in these matters,
consider long-term care insurance, have your parent see their doctor for
regular checkups and involve appropriate medical advisors.
v
Do your research on alternatives that may delay
the move to a nursing home such as in-home care, adult day care or assisted
living facilities as transitional moves.
These will help but they are not going to stop feelings of
guilt! If your parent needs a nursing
home, then make the right choice, but know it will not be easy. Your parent will most likely ask to stay with
you or a sibling and the request may quickly turn to begging. At this point, reasoning with your parent will
be difficult and will produce very little progress in helping with the
decision.
Here are some common
considerations that may help with the guilt:
v
Choose a quality nursing home facility with
excellent health care.
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| Crestview Court Nurse Station (Photo credit: cantexsc) |
v
Find a facility that is near family so visitations
can be frequent.
v
Involve other members of the family as a support
group and schedule visits
v
Create “Plan B”.
We hope we make the right decision but be prepared to move if necessary
v
Get to know the staff at the facility and
participate in events as often as possible
v
Get involved with a support group that can help
you cope and give advice
v
Make sure your parent has the opportunity to get
closure on their former life by being involved in the decisions regarding disposition
of possessions
Guilt is usually caused by doing something we believe is
wrong or failing to do something we believe is right. Be sure to involve healthcare professionals
to help assure you are making the right decision and be confident in your decisions
and choices. If you have family, then do
not go it alone—involve others in your decisions. Sometimes people less emotionally attached
can provide unbiased advice so don’t overlook the input of friends. If you prepare properly you will minimize the
guilty feelings and quickly overcome them!
If you would like to obtain a list of nursing homes in your area that
meet your needs, please consider www.seniorfacilityfinder.com
.
If you would like to contribute your thoughts and ideas,
please leave them in our comment section. We want to hear them. Helping people
care for themselves or their loved ones is what we care about.
We look forward to reading yours.
Bob Gregory is an advocate for Seniors
and is one of the founders of www.seniorfacilityfinder.com. At
SeniorFacilityFinder.com, we are dedicated to helping families get the Elder
Care help they need without having to provide their personal information! If
you find you need a Nursing Home or
other type of senior facility, please consider www.seniorfacilityfinder.com.
Making the decision to hire a home care service to provide care for your loved one is an important decision and can, at the same time, be very difficult. If an illness or recovery from surgery requires nursing care or physical therapy, a physician may order skilled home care services that provide both skilled providers and personal aides. So always go for the best home care as it is the matter of your love ones.
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